my little boy heart alive

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

2008-12-11T10:31:00.004-05:00

Often when I let myself go, when I allow myself to default to the lowest common demoniator in my life, when my discipline is at its lowest in all areas of life I get afraid. I become afraid of things that I should be scared of, like the future, or a tragedy, I even become afraid of myself-that I am dangerous to my own well-being.

Here's a better example. I'm at the end of my college career finally and the last 4 and a half years are coming to a close. If this wasn't enough, I'm getting married in 3 weeks. I just realized that the last few months have been the perfect storm where lack of motivation + high stakes for failure + no other options = a vegetable of a spirit. I don't enjoy things anymore, I don't delight in the things that I once did, and my fiance has noticed this in me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed, I know what that feels like that this isn't it, the fact is I'm just shutting down day by day because I'm afraid of what will happen if I really put alot of effort into all the things I need to put effort into and I end up still failing. At least if I shut down I know I'm going to fail, this gives me a little bit of stability and control and I enjoy this. Until I realize how much of a failure I am for doing it this way and then I'm back to the beginning.

So what's the next step? Where do I go from here?

I don't know.

I do know this - I'm getting married in 3 weeks and everything is about to change.

StainStudio: On art, music, and academia

2008-03-17T21:18:00.003-04:00

I recently discovered a wealth of customizing options on my electronic drumset, options that allow me to personalize my drumset down to the quarter of an inch in drum depth, head style, room ambience and tuning tension. I didn't have as much time as I would have liked to explore all the different options but I changed several and ended up with an even better sounding live drumset. I changed the name of the setting to StainStudio.

With the new settings I felt so at home behind my digi-skins. I could hear them better, they were richer, deeper, crisper, everything a live drummer wants from a kit. The band was tight that night, everyone was right on, no hitches, and all the experimenting we had done with midi keyboards, macs, Mackie monitors, stacked keys, and guitar tones were afterthoughts. The creativity flowed, the music moved and God was glorified through it all.

There was only one problem. Hanging over my head were 3 large papers, 2 huge exams and a partridge in a pear tree (a schedule full of meetings and rehearsals that stole time away from the necessary work on these projects). So when the art was over, when the creativity left the stage, I sat down at a computer and opened book after book written by men who see very little if not nothing creative, artistic or beautiful about the book of Ezekiel. I'm writing about all the systems men have discovered to explain the what, where, when, why and who of the Scriptures while my heart is longing for something beautiful.

I want the Words of God to be beautiful again, to sit in awe of them and never lose my wonder. To seek to understand after I spend twice as long marveling over them

To systemize only as a way to marvel at them more and never too much

To be smitten by them

To love them

To need them

To desire them...

Don't let me lose my wonder.

McDonald's, a McGriddle and motion sickness

2008-03-13T10:58:00.005-04:00

This morning I had the opportunity to do something outside of my ordinary daily routine. Instead of waking up at 9:30 and scrambling to make it by 10, I woke up in a different bed than usual at 7:30, took my girlfriend to an appointment and had breakfast at a nearby McDonald's. I have to say, though, that it was not as nice of a process as it might sound. The 7:30 wake-up call was pleasant and driving 20 miles in the morning crispness and pre-spring sunshine was nice too. It was the following event that didn't strike my fancy. McDonald's is arguably the worst possible thing a person can do to their body.

I meant that.

Try smoking a pack for a month and getting a check-up. Then try eating McDonald's for every meal for a month and getting a check-up. I promise you that the results from the McDonald's is going to be worse. I doubt it's even food. Oh, it tastes like you want to have it for every meal but wait about 10 minutes. If it's possible to watch yourself get more unhealthy it happens after a McDonald's meal.

After Celeste came out of her appointment she got in the car and I asked her how she was doing and she said "I'm not feeling very good". (She had been sick the last couple days with a stomach flu). I knew that the next 25 minutes were going to be rough. She gets motion sickness pretty bad and that's when she's not sick.

I was right. Every bump and curve in the road made me more and more nervous that she wasn't going to make it. She tried every position of lying down, sitting up, leaning forward. Eyes open, eyes closed, glasses on, glasses off. She tried hands on her forehead, hands on her neck, hands in her lap. The problem was, nothing helped. I drove ever so carefully, but not too slow, I wanted to get her home.

I say all this to say that it sucks to be sick. Not that you needed me to tell you but I was reminded today just how frail and temporary our bodies are.

Unlike most of my other posts this one has no point to it, you won't feel changed after reading it but I think i want to start writing more often and this was an opportunity to do that. Thanks for allowing me.

Fullness...

2007-10-24T13:19:00.000-04:00

...I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole faily in heaven

and earth is named,

that He would grant you,

according to the riches of His glory,

to be strengthened with might throught His Spirit in the inner man,

that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith;

that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height --

to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge;

that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 3:14-19

Hello, Good Friend

2007-09-26T13:49:00.000-04:00

it's been some time since I've recorded anything in this blog, this is not from lack of thought or inspiration but simply from lack of interest. I read over previous posts and became interested anew in recording special things from my reality, the Word, and others' reality as it intersects mine.
So hello, good friend...again.

LT

2006-12-11T01:52:00.000-05:00

That's right, LaDainian Tomlinson.

The NFL running back with more touchdowns in one season than anyone who's ever been a running back in the NFL.
He's been compared with the likes of Jim Brown, Barry Sanders, and Emmitt Smith. One of the greatest running backs ever. LT has more than 3 games in which he has rushed, caught, and thrown for a touchdown in the same game. Ask any NFL analyst who the best running back is in the NFL and they won't let you finish before they answer "LT". It's almost unfair how good he is, some would say.

After the most recent game against the Denver Broncos when his team, the San Diego Chargers won, and clenched the division which ensures them a top playoff spot, he was asked about his record.

"The hoopla is over about the record and know as much as I try to avoid it, you think about it...as a player you want to get over whether or not its gonna happen as soon as possible."

When asked about the touchdown that broke the record he said "When we're old and can't play this game any more, those are the moments that we're going to remember and I wanted to share it with the whole offensive unit. We can share that with our children, and our grandchildren, that we made history."

The next thing I'm about to write I want every follower of Jesus to read twice.

The Chargers head coach, Marty Schottenheimer addressed the media after the game and he's seen his fair share of good players and good teams, he's a seasoned, experienced successful coach. At the end of his press meeting, someone asked him about LT and Marty said very quickly "He's the finest running back to ever wear a uniform. I believe that he is the finest running back to ever wear an NFL uniform" and he walked away from the microphone.

Then someone asked "What sets him apart?"

now catch this

Marty got a little red in the face and said with a half-smile, "well I'll tell you this...for all the skills he has a player," then Marty teared up and his voice quivered as he said behind his tears, "they pale by comparison to the person." and Marty left.

Why had LT impressed this coach so much? He has almost single-handedly led this team to the playoffs with a record-setting year. He has helped this coach live the dream of any head coach to have a serious run at the Super Bowl. He is the best player Marty has ever had on his team.

But when asked "What sets him apart?" Marty could hardly hold back his tears as he thought about the person that LaDainian Tomlinson is.

Why?

Because LT is a new man. LaDainian Tomlinson is a part of the new humanity, found in Christ. With all humility and gentleness, with all self-control and meekness, LT is the best at what he does because the Word of God says that whatever your hand finds to do, do it will all your might as unto God, not man. LT heard Jesus when He said "Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father, who is in Heaven."

I want to be like LT. A man who brings tears to people's eyes because of the manner in which I die to myself, allowing Christ to reign so that all men might see Christ exalted.

to watch these videos and the videos of some of his other team mates click the link below:

San Diego Chargers videos (they're on the right side of the screen)

Story

2006-12-04T13:12:00.001-05:00

Why is Christmas "the most wonderful time of the year"? Is it really the holiday greetings and gay happy meetings when friends come to call? Why is Christmas the grandest of holidays? Is it the kids jingle-belling and everyone telling you, "be of good cheer"? Or would Christmas somehow still matter more if those things weren't true?

Moses.

Abraham.

Isaac.

Jacob.

David.

Solomon.

Men who were promised something.

The entire Old Testament is the chronicles of the nation of Israel and their yearning for a savior, the Son of God. Read it. It's all about Jesus. The prophets foretold His birth. Children were told the story of the coming Lord, and that He would come to rescue them. The perfect lamb, a man without sin to rid man of their sin once and for all. He was coming...soon

"O come, O come, Emmanuel and ransom captive Israel. Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel."

Deliver us! was their cry.

It's the theme of the Old Testament. Everything hapenned in the shadow of the grand story of the promise of salvation.

They waited for generations, they longed for a king, they were slaves. Their sacrifices became wearisome, the law became a burden and the priests were tired.

Without the shedding of blood there is no remission of sin.

"How long, O Lord will you forget us forever?"

One night, one baby, one promise fulfilled

...and God was a human

So sing out with joy for the brave little boy who was God but he made himself nothing.

But he gave up his pride and he came here to die like a man.

So sing out with joy for the brave little boy who was God but he made himself nothing.

And sing out with joy for the brave little boy is our Savior!

Son of God, Son of Man.

(inspired by "Behold the Lamb of God" by Andrew Peterson)

...the Bibles are free

2006-11-25T16:17:00.000-05:00

Last night I stumbled across what turned out to be one of the best experiences I've had in a while. While at the Fairfield Commons mall I noticed a store that had brightly colored art, wooden carvings, organic-looking clothes and candles. Naturally I was interested so I looked up to the store sign to see "go fish". I thought, that sounds slightly Jesus-like. So I walked in with high expectations. I was unsure of the nature of these items but noticed that the usual earthy-looking people behind the counters of stores of this nature were instead family-looking people who were obviously not earthy. As I smelled all of the "Palm tree wax" candles in fragrances such as "Sunrise", "Night Sky" and "Holiday Spirit" my attention was drawn to the rack of wooden birds and giraffes next to me. As I looked at the art my eye caught the glimpse of a photograph with three ethnic people who looked very poor, and one of them was holding the very wooden bird that I had picked up to look at. The top of the picture said simply "the Nyambi family", followed by a brief bio which I didn't read. The next rack over had similarly ethnic looking art and another picture of another poor family called "the Guiemb family" and another bio. I thought to myself this has the feel of a ministry. I turned around and found "God's Story" Bibles lying on the check out counter and my thoughts were confirmed. The "God's Story" Bibles are very cool because they tell the Bible story like a 5 act drama and I've wanted one for some time. I said "These are cool, i wonder how much they are." and the girl behind the counter stopped what she was doing and with great joy told me, "the Bibles are free."

For a moment I forgot that I was in the mall.

After looking around some more I started a conversation with the store manager and found out that the point of the store was to give artists overseas in developing countries a market in which to sell their art. These families or individuals are seeking to get out of poverty and the ministry "go fish" pays to have their art shipped to America to sell in "go fish" stores. I'm not quite sure how the families get their money, only that families have successfully ended poverty for themselves because of this ministry. The lady told me that once a year all of the "go fish" store managers go to Peru to work with a pastor.

This was more than a retail store. And what's more, the stuff they sold was quality, authentic. I spent almost $20 my first time, mainly because it's all I had. They sell everything from art, to sculptures, journals, clothes, anything someone in poverty can make with easily acquired materials.

I couldn't help but think about other "Christian" stores who act more "store" than "Christian".

Jesus is proud

www.gofishretail.com

Life

2006-11-15T23:21:00.000-05:00

The limerick-crazy, bearded, organic Andrew Peterson is not only my favorite musician but one of my all time favorite songwriters. Far Country, his latest studio project, focuses many of the songs on death.
"Lay Me Down" says

When you lay me down to die, I'll miss my boys, I'll miss my girls
Lay me down and let me say goodbye to this world
You can lay me anywhere but just remember this,
when you lay me down to die, you lay me down to live.

"More" says

This is not the hardest part of all, this is just the seed that has to fall.
All our lives we till the ground until we lay our sorrows down and watch the sky for rain.
There is more, more than all this pain,
more than ll the falling down and the getting up again.
There is more, more than we can see, from our tiny vantage poin tin this vast eternity.

What is death?
Death is a result of a fallen world.
Death is ugly, and painful and repulsive
Death is offensive

But when a man who has loved the Lord his whole life is lying in his own bed at home breathing heavily, moments from death. His family draws close, his grown daughter lies in bed with him, helping him breath le mans style. She reminds him of the times she used to lie in that bed as a little girl when she was scared. She says "daddy I'll be here with you until the angels come."
His 40 year-old son reads aloud Psalm 91 as the man breathes his last.
No shouting in sorrow.
No breakdowns of anguish.
His dear wife says,
"He's in Glory"

This man died.

He was immediately in...Glory

With...
God.

For those who are in Christ, death is life.
His family was sad, because humans can't understand heaven's reality fully. They still miss papaw at Christmas and his wife still tears up on their anniversary. But they are comforted because daddy is with Jesus.

Death happens every day, every minute, even since you started reading this people have died.
But people of God,
Death is...

Life

Hide and Seek

2006-11-13T00:13:00.000-05:00

When a little boy does something he has told his daddy he wasn't going to do, his daddy looks him in the eye and immediately the boy must face reality. Daddy knows and he isn't happy with me.
Little boys run away to their room and...hide
We all hide don't we?

There are consequences to pay,
There are reparations to be made,

Daddy...still...loves you.

Stop running, Daddy knows anyway.

Let Him tell you, "You know you lied to me?"
"You know you hurt Daddy?"
"You know you'll be punished?"
"You know I'll never bring it up again?"
"You know I'll never...love you...less?"
"You know I'll never...love you...less?"

Necklace

2006-11-11T01:34:00.000-05:00

(traditional story retold)

“There was a young girl who was not much older than 5 years-old grocery shopping with her mother. The mother was asking the daughter to be patient with her as she made her way through the aisles of fruit and nuts, then cans and bottles and on and on and on. The girl was trying very hard to be quiet and wait until they were done but as all little girls are she was becoming restless. Her eyes began to scan the aisles more intently as she sought entertainment to keep her mind off of the mindless activity of her mother’s shopping. In most grocery stores there is a small section of an aisle, sometimes it’s only one rack, but this section has toys. Cheap, flashy, trinkets. It is no surprise that this little girl was captured beyond return when her mother mindlessly passed this section. The girl’s gaze was fixed on a specific trinket right in the middle. A string of plastic pearls plastered with wire ties to a piece of pink cardboard. The little girl stopped without recognizing her mother. She immediately picked the cardboard off of the hook and ran to her mother who had made her way a couple steps down the aisle. “Mommy! Look!” the girl raised her new reality above her head.
“Those are pretty” her mother responded to satisfy her.
“Can I get them?” the girl’s entire day would hinge on her mother’s answer.
“I will buy them for you and then when we get home you can go into your piggy bank and pay me back for them if you want to spend your money this way.” The girl’s mother was trying to teach her daughter about spending money wisely.
“I’ll pay you back, I promise!” She was so excited she clutched that cardboard the rest of the way around the aisles and grabbed them right away when they came down the conveyer belt at the checkout line.
When the two got home, the girl went right away to her piggy bank and her mother helped her count out the correct change for the pearls.
That night when her father came home from work the girl was waiting for him at the door. “Daddy look!” and she held them up as high as she could without taking them off her neck.
Her dad knelt down and examined them and said, “Honey, you look very pretty with those on.”
“Thank you, I bought them with my own money!”
The father grabbed his little girl and gave her a big hug and kiss and set her back down as she ran back to her room to continue playing.
The girl took her pearls everywhere, to kindergarten, to church, to grandma and grandpa’s house, and her mother had to force them off of her so she could take a bath.
A few nights later when the girl was getting ready for bed, her father came in as he did every night to tuck her in and pray with her. The father sat down on the bed next to his little girl who was still proudly wearing her pearls. He looked at her and said, “Sweetie, you know I love you right?”
The girl smiled and said “Yes daddy, I love you too.”
The father brushed her cheek with his hands and said, “And you know that I want what’s best for you?”
She again responded, “Yes daddy”
Then the father’s smile faded as he asked “Honey” he became serious, “can I have your pearls?”
The girl stopped smiling as well and she reached for her pearls around her neck, “Why daddy?” she asked.
He said “I can’t tell you why, but I want them anyway.”
She said “No, I bought these with my own money.”
The father said “ok” and kissed her on the cheek, tucked her in and turned out her light.
Every few days the father would come in the girl’s room and ask her for her pearls and every night the little girl would be more and more confident in her answer, “No daddy, I bought these with my own money.”
One night when the father came in he noticed his little girl wasn’t in bed. Instead she was sitting on the floor crying.
He walked in and picked her up in his arms, she wasn’t wearing her pearls. He said, “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
Through her tears, in a squeaky, crying voice all she said was, “Daddy, I love you.” And she opened up her hands to reveal her pearls, in perfect condition.
The father took them from her and put them in his shirt pocket. He set her down in bed and tucked her in. He said “I love you too, thank you.” He kissed her on the cheek and turned out the light and left the room.
The girl was sad the next day when she realized that her pearls were really gone. People asked about them at school since she always wore them. They didn’t understand when she told them why she didn’t have them anymore.
The girl began to understand that her pearls were really gone.
Later when her father came to tuck her in bed, he said “Sweetie, when you gave me your pearls did you ever think I was going to give them back to you?”
“No” she said.
The father then reached into the same pocket where she last saw her pearls and pulled out a long velvet box. He held it out and opened it in front of her to reveal a string of genuine pearls. The girl kept those pearls to this day, wore them in her wedding day and keeps them close to her heart as a reminder of the time she trusted her father.

Do you trust your Father?
What are you holding on to that He is asking you for?

You know, Jesus never really told people what would happen when He asked them to follow Him, did He?
God never told Abraham where He was going when He asked him to move his whole family, did He?
God isn’t telling you why He wants that thing does He?

It could be because it is getting in the way of your relationship with Him.
It could be because it isn’t time for you to have it yet.
It could even be because God has something so much better than your plastic pearls, sitting there around your neck like a cheap trinket that you are so proud of.

I can’t tell you that when you give Him your thing that He is immediately going to reward you with an amazing replacement. He just wants you to
trust…Him. You see because it is in the trusting that we receive the reward.

In Proverbs, a man named Solomon who people say was the wisest person who ever lived wrote and said, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him [God] and He [God] will direct your paths.”
God is asking you to trust Him.
You might not know why.
That’s ok, remember he says “Don’t rely on your own understanding”.
But God is in control.

May you tell your Father tonight, “Daddy, I love you” and open your hands up give Him your pearls.
May you begin to trust Him as the little girl trusted her daddy, and may you experience the amazing reward that He has in his pocket; waiting to give it to you if you’ll only
trust…
Him

Daddy

2006-11-09T00:03:00.000-05:00

Three Days Grace is not one of my favorite bands, but their song "Animal I Have Become" resonates with me.
The chorus of the song is what my heart is crying:

"So what if you can see,The darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become.
Help me believe it's not the real me.
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become.
Help me believe it's not the real me.
Somebody help me tame this animal."

It's like the Father is looking down at me, His child, standing covered in mud and who knows what else. He can't really see my face partly because I'm hiding it and partly because of the sheer mass of mess. I start crying with my head down, also trying to hide that; sniffing and trying to stop with no success. He doesn't say anything to me He just takes my hand and pulls me close enough to pick me up. He puts me in His arms and carries me back to the house, where He can clean me up and tell me why it was a bad idea to do what I did. He tells me that He forgives me and that I should never do it again. He repromands me and sits me down on His lap after I'm clean and tells me that even though what I did was wrong that He let me make the decision because He wanted me to make my own mistakes because He loved me.
He loves me...that....much.
He asks me if I understand and I say, "Yes daddy"
Then he puts me down off His lap and says, let's go get some ice cream.

Of cancer and joy

2006-11-06T13:33:00.000-05:00

People get sick. Really, they do. People have gotten sick for thousands and thousands of years and for thousands and thousands of years people have died. It's an effect of sin, the world was perfect, now it's not. Sin has infected the world. Can't change it, can't deny it, can't even avoid it. When your mother has cancer it hurts, can't deny that either. Everywhere you turn people's mothers and fathers and grandparents have cancer, some people you meet even have cancer themselves; and as many types of cancer as there is, there are twice and many things mankind does with it. But when your mother has cancer and you have are following Jesus everything....changes. Tears happen then they transform into trust, pain racks the spirit then it transforms into humility, questions are asked (often in anger) then they turn into surrender. Why is this? Is it because Christians are the best actors? Some are. Is it because we're so good at convincing ourselves that it's not true? Again, yes for some. But for a real follower of Jesus it might look something like joy and peace, and humility and surrender, and faith and trust, and on... and on... and on.

My Life Be Like...II

2006-11-02T11:46:00.000-05:00

Wow...it's been a while and I have alot to say. I don't feel too confident that the way I say it will be accurate, but what the hey.

1. I'm in the opening phases of what I hope to someday be a book. I have been frustrated with the church for a while and I'm starting to come to some conclusions about what the church should and shouldn't be. This book titled "Everything I Need To Know About God I Learned From a Church Sign" will serve as the rantings of one semi-cynical twenty something and his observations of the church with a few suggestions.

2. I'm rediscovering myself. I am reminded that when I am single I am most like myself. Ironically, I have recently become single and it's no surprise that I am remembering exactly who it was that I am. I can't say it's a THRILL but it's not all that bad, to be honest.

3. I am in a crossroads to some extent of my life being 20 years old and on my way to being 21 in a couple months. I am in my 3 year of college and when you get to this year in college you being to collide with the reality of a career. I am thinking seriously now about what my career will look like. I am forced now to think beyond the "I want to be a youth pastor" attitude and instead think "I want to change peoples thinking" or some equal passion of my heart that will ultimately decide what I do.

4. I am beginning to understand the joy of studying. Always before, studying was something that everyone did because everyone had to and everyone had to study the same thing the same way and if you know me you know that I don't operate well when I'm just like everyone else; so needless to say I've never been a good student. It hasn't been until recently that I've discovered what it was like to find something worth studying, on my own, just becuase I want to know about it...it's revolutionary!

5. I am enjoying fellowship again with like-minded people. I am on a travelling worship team and the bonds that we share are something I've been missing for a while. It's great to have that home-base where you know you can be yourself and let it all hang out, people love you there and you are free to love people. It's been a great time so far and we've hardly just begun. I have to learn and I'm ready.

I don't know if there's anything else so big that's hapenning in my life that anyone would be interested in reading about...as if anyone does anyway. So that'll do for now.
peace

...only those who have no alabi

2006-10-19T00:37:00.001-04:00

Josh Bales' ministry is two-fold.

1. To make beautiful art with his guitar and voice.

2. To remind believers of the community we share with saints past and future.

He came to Cedarville this week and presented a concert on Monday night to a packed-out Cedarville crowd at the "HIVE" (probably 300+ people) . He played songs that he had written for former loves, friends, and a few personal hymns that resonate with the human struggle of desire and failure. Songs like "Grey t-shirt" tell of the wonderful times he had with a female friend, while "Pilgrim's Song" chronicle his journey thus far. His lyrics are very authentic, not forced. His music is simple, but at the same time very fitting. His voice reminds his listeners that he is a normal person, not trained in classical styles but still so pleasant to listen to.
In his desire to lead believers to the Throne of God, he pulls out oldies such as "This is my Father's world" and "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing". But without the trappings of these old songs of the faith, he exposes the theology in them and refinishes all the wear they have suffered over the decades and centuries. The finished product is real, genuine, theologically-based worship that captures the essence of God. A call to worship engages the Christian in a position to praise. A call to repentance humbles the Christian before his Maker. The Apostle's Creed connects the worshippper to the saints of old, while affirming doctrine that keeps this faith true.
At the end of the day, he has not only blessed the heart with beautiful art that accurately represents mankind and all that he faces in reality, but he has pointed the audience to the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit as worthy objects of praise. He ends with the good news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ with his simple song "Only the Sinner".

Only the sinner, only the weak
Only the man who lies and steals and cheats.
Only the woman who runs around
Only the child with a selfish mouth.
Only prostitues and murderers, and crooked business men.
Only those who have no alabi, only those who cannot hide their sin.

Only the dirty, never the clean.
Only the beggar-man, never the king.
Only the messed up, never the made.
Only the sinner, Jesus saves

Never the righteous, never the good,
never the man who does all the things he should
never the rich, no never the strong
never the woman who never breaks the law
never the healthy, never the wise
never the man who claims to have some alabi

(Only the dirty.... chorus)

Only prostitutes and murderers and crooked business men.
Only those who have no alabi, only those who cannot hide their sin.

(only the dirty.... chorus)

"I'm not good enough to come to Jesus"
Jesus says "I want you, I love you, and I take you just the way you are"

to hear Josh's music visit www.myspace.com/joshbales
www.joshbales.com

My life be like...

2006-10-16T20:12:00.000-04:00

Oooh aaah.

Surprises.
I'm me, not him. who is it?

I'll trust in Him. I have to. I don't have anyone else to trust in. Oh, sure I can trust in myself for a while. I can trust in someone else maybe. I can trust in activities, but eventually those things run out.

"Trust in the Lord whith all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path"

Trusting. That's it.

Children's Songs

2006-10-05T14:26:00.000-04:00

My God is so big, so strong and so mighty. There's nothing my God cannot do.

If you could ask God for one thing what would it be? I mean seriously think about the one thing you'd ask God for. Are you thinking of it?

Is God big enough to do it?
(Answer: Yes. You cannot out-ask God)

Ephesians 3:14-19

Routines or Ruts?

2006-09-28T09:17:00.001-04:00

Lately I've been in a very "funky" mood. You all know the mood I'm talking about. When you wake up in the morning, you don't necessarily have anything to look forward to. Nothing's "wrong", you just don't have anything to excite you. I've been feeling this way recently. I mean, I do enjoy going to chapel here at the University, and sitting with my girlfriend, and hanging out with her during the day. I enjoy the guys that i live with and I love hanging out with them. But what I'm talking about is a lack of focus. So I've been feeling weird.
I was discussing with my girlfriend yesterday about the toils of college life. Most of which involved the difficulties in doing the same thing in the same place the same way for weeks or months (or even years) on end and keeping your sanity. I have been at school for 5 weeks now and I'm ready to leave. I can't do this anymore. It's not that I'm a terrible student, I'm not stupid, I just don't do well after doing something (with no breaks) for a very long time.
It got me thinking about what I was created for? What is my purpose? To glorify God? To worship Him? I guess. So then I fall into the cliche "Honor God with whatever you do, even the mundane routines of this world." That's not good enough. I need to know what that looks like, how can I glorify God with everything I do if I do the same thing all the time every day? I know I can, I'm not challenging that statement, it's an honest question...how?
It's raining outside right now which is a nice break. I guess it's the little things that can have a huge impact on how you view your routine. For example, my room mate and I plan on moving everyting around in our room and doing a major overhaul on the appearance of our living area. I can't wait, because it'll be something different for a while, i need that.
But now I think of a problem with this attitude of A.D.D. Do I do that with my relationship with God? Do I seek to have an intimate relationship with Him for a while, until it gets routine then move on to something else? I think i do. Wow. Lord, forgive me for making you my flavor-of-the-week.
So routine or rut? There are schedules in life, period. You and I can't change that, but what does your schedule look like. Is it filled to the max so that nothing can infiltrate it? Or does it leave room for spontenaity, fun, and maybe even a little imagination?
I'll end with a story. Yesterday Sarah and I went down to the park in an attempt to escape our schedule if even for a few hours. As we laid there on the blanket under a beautiful oak tree a little girl and her fatherly companion came up the path on the other side of the tree. The girl was running freely with no regard for anything. She came up and started talking to Sarah and told her that she was hunting ducks. Sarah got a bright glimmer in her eyes and ran over to the girl and went off with her into the brush by the water. They played with big sticks and their imagination for a few minutes before coming back the blanket so I could teach her to play the guitar. I sat the guitar on the girls lap and formed with chords while she strummed and made the music. She was so excited she wanted to show her fatherly-companion. So we walked over to where he had sat down with their husky and she showed him all the things she had learned on the guitar. She was discovering music, maybe for the first time. Maybe no one had ever played with her before. She asked if we'd be back tomorrow and we said that if she was, then we would be too. So she said she'd draw us a picture of a guitar. Sarah put her in her lap and put her hair up in a beautiful bun as i played the guitar. Her fatherly-companion told her that they had to leave so she got up and ran off just like she had when we met her. And for the rest of the day I forgot what it was I was doing in the first place.
Little kids have a way of dousing you with forgetfulness.
Imagination helps you wonder why you have a routine.
Music heals all the broken parts of childhood.
Cute little eyes ignite a passion for something more.
What does your schedule look like?

To Wait On Elvis' Velvet Dragon

2006-02-06T16:10:00.000-05:00

Well, Donald Miller's new book To Own a Dragon was released yesterday. This much anticipated book was being waited upon by a very anxious audience, including me. I couldn't find a store that had it yesterday. So I thought I would stop by the University bookstore on campus, I knew they would have it. When I went to the bookstore, however, I found no such long-awaited book; and no signs of it anywhere. When I inquired about said book, I was told the unfortunate news of its strange no-show. Apparently the printers printed the last chapter all wrong, making the released books unusable. The inquiree told me that she had to tear up and throw away all of the books she received. Alas, and there is no date in stone when these books are to be corrected and re-shipped. I must wait. In it's stead I will read Velvet Elvis by another author/speaker of note: Rob Bell (Pastor Mars Hill Church in Grand Rapids MI.).

ugh, Titles Are So Hard

2006-02-05T23:09:00.000-05:00

I'm starting over, I just wrote a long post but it was garbage so I deleted it. I'm going to be gut-level honest with this blog since most people I know won't read it. I'm afraid for the direction of our church. I'm afraid that we'll start growing and start becoming really effective in our community. "Why?" You might ask. Because I'm afraid that we are going to start getting on the bandwagon of how important it is to be united in prayer and make a viable impact on our community, and have nothing to do with people after they start showing up at our doorstep wanting to know more about the Gospel...I don't believe we are ready for that. I think we have shallow views of the Gospel, we have underdeveloped worldviews, and we have irrelevant theologies. What I see in Rean Meadows is exciting, just this week i saw half a dozen little things that I knew was the beginning of some change and I was pleased. I truly believe that in 5 years (dare someone think in terms of 5 years from now at Rean Meadows) we will be one of the premier churches in Kettering. Not to mean that we'll be the best. God forbid we ever think we're the best, or that we've arrived. What I really mean is fastest-growing, most networked (in terms of being linked to other churches/ministries), and most influential. I truly believe this. I know that God is going to do an amazing work in our church, it's only a matter of when. Ok, I could write forever about our church but what I'm more passionate about than our church is far greater than the church.
I wish I could say that I love to read the Bible, I wish that I just had this hunger to know everything there is know about the Bible; but I don't. Sure, I love studying the Bible but I love to use the verses as weapons at people. "abortion is wrong because Psalm 139..." "We should do 'in the treches' ministries because of II Timothy 1:7" and so on...shame on me. I use Scripture to prove my point about topic X. The Bible is living and active and I can't tame it; can't contain it. I guess all I'm saying is that I want a passion for the Scriptures out of a pure desire to see the face of God, not only His hand in my life. I don't have a real enough faith, bottom line.

*tap tap, Is this thing on?

2006-02-03T13:09:00.000-05:00

right now I am just creating this to comment. ALthough I do intend to post here frequently.